Talk to the Highlander!

2010-04-30T14:11:00.002-03:00

Here are some quotes from the ads of various newspapers.
Can you figure out what's wrong with each one? Maybe there is nothing wrong and the ad is just plain funny.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 0 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

Great Dames for sale.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

See ladies blouses. 50% off!

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Mother's helper -- peasant working conditions.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.

When you are thirsty, try 7-Up, the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and U-P after.

2010-04-30T14:11:00.001-03:00

THE ITALIAN WHO WENT TO NEW YORK

O ITALIANO QUE VIAJOU A NOVA IORQUE

(Must be read with an Italian accent)

One day ima gonna Nuyok to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want to piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onma plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say you better no fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: - Peace on you. I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy.

2010-04-30T14:09:00.000-03:00

Ode to the Word "Fuck".

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word fuck. It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language, fuck falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary fucks really well). It can be an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or a noun (Mary is a great fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (The fucking girl wasn't satisfied) or as an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary!). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is stupid, fuck she's an idiot). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word fuck - a must in every ESL classroom.

Also, on the level of semantics, it covers quite a variety of meanings. Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

1. Greetings: "How the fuck are ya?"
2. Fraud: "I got fucked by the car dealer."
3. Resignation: "Oh, fuck it!"
4. Trouble: "I guess I'm fucked now."
5. Aggression: "FUCK YOU!"
6. Authority: "Get the fuck out of here!"
7. Disgust: "Fuck me."
8. Confusion or perplexity: "What the fuck .......?"
9. Difficulty: "I don't understand this fucking business!"
10. Despair: "Fucked again ..."
11. Pleasure: "I fucking couldn't be happier."
12. Displeasure: "What the fuck is going on here?"
13. Lost: "Where the fuck are we? - Bum fuck!"
14. Astonishment and disbelief: "UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!"
15. Retaliation: "Up your fucking ass!"
16. Denial: "I didn't fucking do it."
17. Being informed: "I know all the fuck about it."
18. Apathy: "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?" / "I don't give a flying fuck"
19. Questioning authority: "Who the fuck are you?"
20. Panic: "Let's get the fuck out of here."
21. Annoyance: "Fuck off." / "Go fuck yourself."
22. Amazement: "How the fuck did you do that?"
23. Skepticism or an offensive response to threat: "Are you fucking with me?"

It can be used in an anatomical description - "He's a fucking asshole."

It can be used to tell time - "It's five fucking thirty."

It can be used in business - "How did I end up with this fucking job?"

It can be maternal - "Motherfucker."

It can be political - "Fuck Dan Quayle!"

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:

"What the fuck was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" - General Custer

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" - Captain of the Titanic

"That was a real fucking gun!" - John Lennon

"Who's gonna fucking find out?" - Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to fucking roll." - Anne Boleyn

"Let the fucking woman drive." - Commander of Space Shuttle "Challenger"

"What fucking map?" - Mark Thatcher

"Any fucking idiot could understand that." - Albert Einstein

"It does so fucking look like her!" - Picasso

"How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagoras

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?" - Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck." - Walt Disney

"Why?! Because its fucking there!" - Edmund Hilary

"It's a fucking skin condition." - Michael Jackson

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head." - John F. Kennedy

"I'll shoot you if you fuck with my gun." - Charlton Heston

"Scattered showers, my fucking ass." - Noah

2010-04-30T14:08:00.001-03:00

Here's some more funny stuff for you:

GLOSSÁRIO DE UM TRADUTOR BRASILEIRO QUE ESTUDOU NUM CURSINHO RÁPIDO, PORQUE NÃO TINHA TEMPO A PERDER:

Layout .................................... Fora da lei

Go home .................................Vá a Roma

He is my son ........................... Ele e maçon

US Mail .................................. Meio dos Estados Unidos

I don't care ............................. Eu não quero

Go ahead ................................ Gol de cabeça

Broken heart ........................... Coração bronqueado

Are you sick? .......................... Qual e seu CIC?

What time is it? ....................... Que time é esse?

They go jogging all the time ... Eles vão jogar com todo o time (time completo)

An ice cream ........................... Crime cometido com frieza

Because .................................... Inflamação no bico

Fourteen .................................. Pessoa baixa e forte

Corn flakes .............................. Cornos e frescos

She must go ............................. Ela mastigou

It's too late ............................... É muito leite

Free shop ................................. Chopp de graça

Good stuff ................................ Boa estufa

A hot day .................................. Arrotei.

With noise ................................ Conosco

Yellow river .............................. Ela e horrível.

The boy is behind the door ....... O boi esta berrando de dor.

I'm a man .................................. Eu mamei

Once more ................................ Onde você mora?

Merry Christmas ...................... Maria foi crismada.

Today's payday ......................... Hoje peidei.

In French .................................. Em frente.

Netscape ................................... Nescafé americano

Fuck ......................................... Fuca

Fractured English!!

2010-04-30T14:06:00.000-03:00

FRACTURED ENGLISH

(Translations into English)

In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing please not to read notice.

In a Bucharest hotel: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 AM daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattering of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Lobby of a Moscow hotel across from the Russian Orthodox Monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wine leaves you with nothing to hope for.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czech tourist agency: Take one of our horse driven city tours we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn: Special to day: no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

From a Japanese information booklet about using the hotel air conditioner: Cooles and heates: if you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: English well talking. Here speeching American.

2009-11-01T16:21:00.007-02:00

2009-08-11T15:04:00.000-03:00

You know, we don't grow most of the food we eat. We wear clothes other people make. We speak a language that other people developed. We use a mathematics that other people evolved... I mean, we're constantly taking things. It's a wonderful, ecstatic feeling to create something that puts it back in the pool of human experience and knowledge.
— Steve Jobs

2009-08-11T15:01:00.003-03:00

Only great minds can read this
This is weird, but
interesting!

fi yuo cna
raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe
out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht
I was rdanieg.. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch
at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod
are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the
wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Some nice sayings about life.

2009-07-10T16:51:00.003-03:00

The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

A bore is a fellow who persists in talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself.

Truth does not depend on a consensus of opinion.

Yesterday is experience, tomorrow is hope... today is getting from one to the other.

The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.

Life is easier than you think -- you have to do is this: Accept the impossible, do without the indispensable, bear the intolerable, and be able to smile at anything.

Friendship multiplies joy and divides grief.

Tourist: A person who travels a thousand miles to get a picture of himself standing by his car.

2009-06-30T14:56:00.005-03:00

Famous Italian quote.

"Death is not evil, for it frees man from all ills and takes away his desires along with desire's rewards. Old age is the supreme evil, for it deprives man of all pleasures while allowing his appetites to remain, and it brings with it every possible sorrow. Yet men fear death and desire old age."

English is a Crazy Language

2009-06-15T22:19:00.003-03:00

Let's look at a number of familiar English words and phrases that turn out to mean the opposite or something very different from what we think they mean:

I could care less. I couldn't care less is the clearer, more accurate version. Why do so many people delete the negative from this statement? Because they are afraid that the n't . . . less combination will make a double negative, which is a no-no.

I really miss not seeing you. Whenever people say this to me, I feel like responding, "All right, I'll leave!" Here speakers throw in a gratuitous negative, not, even though I really miss seeing you is what they want to say.

The movie kept me literally glued to my seat. The chances of our buttocks being literally epoxied to a seat are about as small as the chances of our literally rolling in the aisles while watching a funny movie or literally drowning in tears while watching a sad one. We actually mean The movie kept me figuratively glued to my seat -- but who needs figuratively, anyway?

A non-stop flight. Never get on one of these. You'll never get down.

A near miss. A near miss is, in reality a collision. A close call is actually a near hit.

My idea fell between the cracks. If something fell between the cracks, didn't it land smack on the planks or the concrete? Shouldn't that be my idea fell into the cracks [or between the boards]?

I'll follow you to the ends of the earth. Let the word go out to the four corners of the earth that ever since Columbus we have known that the earth doesn't have any ends.

A hot water heater. Who heats hot water?

A hot cup of coffee. Here again the English language gets us in hot water. Who cares if the cup is hot? Surely we mean a cup of hot coffee.

Doughnut holes. Aren't those little treats really doughnut balls ? The holes are what's left in the original doughnut. (And if a candy cane is shaped like a cane, why isn't a doughnut shaped like a nut?)

I want to have my cake and eat it too. Shouldn't this timeworn clich‚ be I want to eat my cake and have it too? Isn't the logical sequence that one hopes to eat the cake and then still possess it?

A one-night stand. So who's standing? Similarly, to sleep with someone.

The first century B.C. These hundred years occurred much longer ago than people imagined. What we call the first century B.C. was, in fact the last century B.C.

Daylight saving time. Not a single second of daylight is saved by this ploy.

The announcement was made by a nameless official. Just about everyone has a name, even officials. Surely what is meant is The announcement was made by an unnamed official.

Preplan, preboard, preheat, and prerecord. Aren't people who do this simply planning, boarding, heating, and recording? Who needs the pre-tentious prefix?

Put on your shoes and socks. This is an exceedingly difficult maneuver. Most of us put on our socks first, then our shoes.

A hit-and-run play. If you know your baseball, you know that the sequence constitutes a run-and-hit play.

The bus goes back and forth between the terminal and the airport. Again we find mass confusion about the order of events. You have to go forth before you can go back.

I got caught in one of the biggest traffic bottlenecks of the year. The bigger the bottleneck, the more freely the contents of the bottle flow through it. To be true to the metaphor, we should say, I got caught in one of the smallest traffic bottlenecks of the year.

Underwater and Underground. Things that we claim are underwater and underground are obviously surrounded by, not under the water and ground.

I lucked out. To luck out sounds as if you're out of luck. Don't you mean I lucked in?

Because we speakers and writers of English seem to have our heads screwed on backwards, we constantly misperceive our bodies, often saying just the opposite of what we mean:

Watch your head. I keep seeing this sign on low doorways, but I haven't figured out how to follow the instructions. Trying to watch your head is like trying to bite your teeth.

They're head over heels in love. That's nice, but all of us do almost everything head over heels . If we are trying to create an image of people doing cartwheels and somersaults, why don't we say, They're heels over head in love?

Put your best foot forward. Now let's see. . . . We have a good foot and a better foot -- but we don't have a third -- and best -- foot. It's our better foot we want to put forward. This grammar atrocity is akin to May the best team win. Usually there are only two teams in the contest.

Keep a stiff upper lip. When we are disappointed or afraid, which lip do we try to control? The lower lip, of course, is the one we are trying to keep from quivering.

I'm speaking tongue in cheek. So how can anyone understand you?

They do things behind my back. You want they should do things in front of your back?

They did it ass backwards. What's wrong with that? We do everything ass backwards.

Fun & Interesting Facts about Scotland

2009-06-15T22:05:00.002-03:00

Edinburgh is the capital of Scotland, apart from being its second largest city.

Glasgow is the largest city in Scotland. Aberdeen and Dundee are amongst the other major cities in the country.

The Kingdom of Scotland was an independent state until 1 May 1707, when the Acts of Union led to a union with the Kingdom of England, resulting in the creation of the United Kingdom of Great Britain.

The main religions of Scotland are Church of Scotland (Presbyterian) Scottish Episcopal Church and Roman Catholicism.

The official currency of Scotland is Pound Sterling.

English (official) and Gaelic are the main languages of Scotland.

The official animal of Scotland is Unicorn.

The motto of Scotland is ‘No one provokes me with impunity’.

Scotland is the second largest country in the United Kingdom of Great Britain.

Though Scotland is a part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain, its legal system is still separate from that of England, Wales, and Northern Ireland

Scotland comprises of approximately 790 islands, out of which around 130 are inhabited.

Edinburgh was the first city in the world to have its own fire-brigade.

Ben Nevis, at 1,343 m, forms the highest point in Scotland. While, the lowest point in the country is Bed of Loch Morar, at 987 ft (300 m) below sea level.

Scottish surnames are divided in two main categories, namely Gaelic names and Germanic names.

The Bank of Scotland, founded in 1695, is the oldest surviving bank in the UK. It was also the first bank in Europe to print its own banknotes

Scotland has its own parliament, which was elected for the first time in 1999. It is responsible for the social work service, education, health services and local government.

Scotland is very well known in the world for its whisky, popularly known as Scotch whisky.

Television, telephone, video cassette recorder, finger printing, home of golf, tarmacadam, tyres are penicillin were all Scottish inventions.

Scotland boasts of over 600 square miles of freshwater lakes, known as lochs, of which the most famous one is Loch Ness.

Lawyer Joke

2009-06-14T23:10:00.000-03:00

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

History of OK

2009-06-14T22:45:00.000-03:00

The word O.K. was firstly used in 1838 by Boston newspaper.

They tried to come up with the way to make the journal more interesting by using acronyms such as I.D.N (I don't know).

The acronym was getting distorted from time to time and one of them is O.W. which stands for All right because the pronunciation is similar to Oll Wright as well as O.K. which stands for All Correct because the pronunciation is similar to Oll Korrect.

However, the O.K. would have been forgotten over time had it not been used in the campaign for U.S. President of Martin Van Buren.

The O.K. Club was established to support Van Buren in the election. This O.K. stands for Old Kinderhook which is his hometown. Even though he lost the election it brought a big popularity to the word O.K.

The popularity of O.K. is widesperad and continue until present.

Quote of the day

2009-06-13T19:03:00.001-03:00

Nice Quotes

2009-06-13T18:54:00.001-03:00

“A photograph never grows old. You and I change, people change all through the months and years, but a photograph always remains the same. How nice to look at a photograph of mother or father taken many years ago. You see them as you remember them. But as people live on, they change completely. That is why I think a photograph can be kind.” Albert Einstein

Everlasting love

2009-06-12T14:43:00.002-03:00

What is it about you?

That makes my stomach turn
My heart beat fast 
My mouth curl 
Is it your beautiful smile?
Your sexy lips
The sweetness of your voice
Or just what whisper me
The many things we had and shared

The sunsets

The candlelight dinners

Our passion and love
The ways we talked and laughed

Were only dreams before we met

Now turned into reality

How I wish this will last for eternity
By by Gary R. Hess

Happy Valentine's day!

Funny Quotes

2009-06-11T20:57:00.000-03:00

I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have
to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a lifesaving
certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a
rubber brick with my pajamas on. --Victoria Wood

Nice to meet you!

2009-06-11T18:21:00.001-03:00

Hello, my name is Douglas Watson. I was born in Inverness, Scotland. There, before leaving, I worked as a sales manager for a multinational company. I also lived and worked in London for three years.
In 1998, I decided to move to Brasil, I lived in Rio Grande o Sul for five months. I then left RS and went to live in Florianópolis, where I stayed for eight years. I began to teach English in Floripa and worked for various schools there, including CCAA, British & American and Words. After two years, I started to teach privately, and have been doing this since then.
I recently moved to São Paulo (Moema) and I intent to begin teaching here.

Hope you can come back and visit again sometime.

D.W.

You will have to read this a few times!

2008-08-25T14:53:00.001-03:00

Mark Twain's plan for the improvement of English spelling

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet.

The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.

Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.

Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.

Bai iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.

Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

The first Christmas card.

2008-08-08T10:54:00.001-03:00

The First Christmas Card

Today, we send millions of Christmas cards every year. But in fact the Christmas card is a relatively modern invention.

In the Middle Ages, European wood engravers produced prints with religious themes. But the first real Christmas card, as we understand the term today, was designed in London, England in 1840. It went on sale in 1843. The designer was John Callcott Horsley, a well known British painter and member of the Royal Academy. He designed the card at the suggestion of his friend Sir Henry Cole, who was the first director of the Victoria & Albert Museum. Horsley produced 1,000 cards and offered them for sale at 1s (one shilling) each. They were printed on stiff card and coloured by hand, with the greeting: "A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to You". The card shows three pictures: in the centre, a family party; to one side the hungry receiving food; to the other side the poor being clothed. Puritans immediately denounced the card, since it showed people drinking in the family party. But with most people the idea was a great success and the Christmas card quickly became very popular.

Christmas cards were not the first greetings cards. Since 1796, with improvements in printing, merchants had been sending cards to their customers offering "best wishes" for the new year. In many countries, Christmas cards gradually became even more popular than New Year's cards.

As Christmas is the birthday of Jesus Christ, cards often show scenes of His nativity. Others show images associated with Christmas such as wintry scenes of snow-laden pines, Father Christmas (Santa Claus), stars, candles or holly. The traditional greeting written on a Christmas card is "Merry Christmas", but many other greetings are also used, such as "Happy Xmas" or "Happy Noel".

English Checker

denounce: declare publicly to be wrong or evil
greetings card (BrE) greeting card (AmE)
His: his (a capital H is often used for God or Jesus)
holly: a plant with prickly green leaves and red berries laden: heavily loaded or weighed down
Middle Ages: period of European history from AD 1000 to 1453
nativity: birth of a child
the Nativity: the birth of Jesus Christ
Noel: Christmas (from the French)
pine: an evergreen tree with needle-shaped leaves
puritan: person with very strict moral beliefs
the hungry: hungry people
the poor: poor people
Xmas: Christmas (informal, X = initial chi in Greek Khristos)

A CHRISTMAS RECORD

2008-08-08T10:29:00.005-03:00

A Christmas record!

As a new resident and recent addition to the population of São Paulo, Brasil, I was surprised earlier today as I was traveling on the bus, that one of the stores we passed is already displaying Christmas trees and decorations. As it is only the 8th.of August I thought this was a little premature, but maybe this is normal in Sampa, as I said earlier, I am relatively new to this city , so I wouldn't know!

Well, after seeing that I thought it would be nice to include an informative article about Christmas on my Blog. Hope you enjoy it, and remember only about 130 shopping days to Christmas, so get shopping!!

2008-08-05T10:40:00.003-03:00

FRIENDS & FRIENDSHIP.

2008-07-31T23:31:00.004-03:00

No one can make you laugh quite the way your friends can, and there's nothing like sharing a few funny friendship quotes with those closest to you to make your day shine a bit brighter.

Here are 18 of my favorite funny friendship quotes to share with those you love. I hope you enjoy these funny friendship quotes as much as I like sharing them with you!

1. "A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

2. "There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money." ~ Benjamin Franklin

3. "Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy." ~ Spike Milligan

4. "A true friend stabs you in the front." ~ Oscar Wilde

5. "Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police." ~ Anonymous

6. "An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body." ~ Jim Hayes

7. "Give me one friend, just one, who meets the needs of all my varying moods." ~ Esther M. Clark

8. "Love is blind. Friendship tries not to notice." ~ Anonymous

9. "I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street." ~ Virginia Woolf

10. "Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate." ~ Thomas Jones

11. "I got a lotta best friends. Some o' them I don't even hardly know!" ~ Archie Bunker

12. "It takes a long time to grow an old friend." ~ John Leonard

13. "We must hang together, or surely we shall hang separately." ~ Benjamin Franklin

14. "Friends are God's ways of apologizing for our families." ~ Anonymous

15. "Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected." ~ Charles Lamb

16. "You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes." ~ Winnie the Pooh

17 "Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life." ~ Mark Twain

18. "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one." ~ C.S. Lewis

As you can see, funny friendship quotes are a great way to remember what makes our friendships so special and our friends so dear. Share a few of these funny friendship quotes with the friends who make your life a brighter and your days a delight.

2008-07-31T23:22:00.003-03:00

More useless but interesting information!

1. 1,525,000,000 miles of telephone wire are strung across the U.S.

2. 101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die throughout the movie.

3. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

4. 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.

5. 123,000,000 cars are being driven down the U.S's highways.

6. 160 cars can drive side by side on the Monumental Axis in Brazil, the world's widest road.

7. 166,875,000,000 pieces of mail are delivered each year in the U.S.

8. 27% of U.S. male college students believe life is "A meaningless existential hell."

9. 315 entries in Webster's Dictionary will be misspelled.

10. 5% of Canadians don't know the first 7 words of the Canadian anthem, but know the first 9 of the American anthem.

11. 56,000,000 people go to Major League baseball each year.

12. 7% of Americans don't know the first 9 words of the American anthem, but know the first 7 of the Canadian anthem.

13. 85,000,000 tons of paper are used each year in the U.S.

14. 99% of the solar systems mass is concentrated in the sun.

15. A 10-gallon hat barely holds 6 pints.

16. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

17. A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off.

18. A company in Taiwan makes dinnerware out of wheat, so you can eat your plate.

19. A cow produces 200 times more gas a day than a person.

20. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

21. A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.

22. A fully loaded supertanker travelling at normal speed takes a least twenty minutes to stop.

23. A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.

24. A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel can.

25. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

26. A hard working adult sweats up to 4 gallons per day. Most of the sweat evaporates before a person realizes it's there.

27. A hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute on average.

28. A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside.

29. A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.

30. A jellyfish is 95 percent water.

31. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

32. A jumbo jet uses 4,000 gallons of fuel to take off.

33. A male emperor moth can smell a female emperor moth up to 7 miles away.

34. A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 6 years. Wow.

35. A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night.

36. A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.

37. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

38. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

39. A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.

40. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

How stupid is this??

2008-07-24T17:20:00.003-03:00

What you are about to read is a true story.............

Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead
chickens at the windshields of airliners, and military jets , all
travelling at maximum velocity.

The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of 'bird strikes' to
test the strength of the windshields.

American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on
the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were
made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken
hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield,
smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console,
snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the
back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the
experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the
British scientists for suggestions. 

You're going to love this......

Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:
"Defrost the chicken."

This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've seen in a while. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble!

2008-07-23T12:40:00.007-03:00

ENGLISH- Sometimes it doesn't make any sense.

2008-07-17T20:05:00.006-03:00

Verbally Insane

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get
rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

So if Dad is Pop, how come Mom isn't Mop?

And I've often wondered: How come we park in a driveway and drive on
a parkway? Makes no sense!

How to spell the word "POTATO"

2008-07-17T19:54:00.005-03:00

How to spell "Potato"			- back to top
If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough If OUGH can stand for O as in Dough If PHTH can stand for T as in Phthisis If EIGH can stand for A as in Neighbor If TTE can stand for T as in Gazette If EAU can stand for O as in Plateau Then the right way to spell POTATO should be: GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU - author unknown.

A cool scrap from Orkut!!!!

2008-07-16T18:00:00.001-03:00

Luiz:

Óia só o e-mail que eu mandei pra TOOOOODA a Rapp:

Título:

Legítimo escocês por uma pechincha!!!

texto:

Desculpem o título sensacionalista, mas é que trata-se de uma oportunidade de ouro exclusiva para rappers:

Douglas Watson, escocês legítimo das Highlands de Inverness e excelente professor da língua de Shakespeare, preparou uma promoção imperdível para os rappers que quiserem aprender ou aprimorar seu inglês.

São aulas de gramática, pronunciação, conversação, inglês para viagem e muito mais, individuais ou em grupos, com preços excelentes.

Ah! E a primeira aula é grátis! Ligue e agende a sua:

8787-7299

msn: dougteacher@hotmail.comhttp://www.dougteacher.blogspot.com/

The English Language.

2008-07-16T16:51:00.006-03:00

What are the world's most widely spoken languages?

Estimates of how many people speak a language can never be completely precise and therefore vary considerably. However, English English com, together with World English, have come up with the following figures: Mandarin Chinese (837,000,000), English (370,000,000), Spanish (300,000,000), Bengali (189,000,000), Hindi/Urdu (182,000,000), Arabic (174,950,000), Portuguese (170,000,000), Russian (170,000,000), Japanese (125,000,000), German (98,000,000), Javanese (79,000,000), French (75,000,000)

In which countries is English an official language?

English is officially spoken in: Anguilla, Antigua, Bahamas, Barbados, Belau, Bermuda, Botswana, British Indian Ocean Territory, British Virgin Islands, American Samoa, Antigua, Australia, Bahamas, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belize, Bermuda, Bhutan, Botswana, British Virgin Islands, Brunei, Cameroon, Cook Islands, Dominica, Ethiopia, Falkland Islands, Fiji, Gambia, Ghana, Gibraltar, Grenada, Guam, Guyana, Hong Kong, India, Ireland, Jamaica, Jersey, Kenya, Kiribati, Lesotho, Liberia, Malawi, Malaysia, Malta, Marshall Islands, Mauritius, Micronesia, Midway Islands, Montserrat, Namibia, Nauru, Nepal, New Zealand, Nigeria, Niue, Norfolk Island, Pakistan, Palau, Papua New Guinea, Philippines, Pitcairn, Puerto Rico, Samoa, Seychelles, Sierra Leone, Solomon Islands, Somalia, Sri Lanka, St Helena, St Kitts-Nevis, St Lucia, St Vincent and the Grenadines, Swaziland, Tokelau, Tonga, Trinidad and Tobago, Tuvalu, US Virgin Islands, Uganda, United Kingdom, United States, Vanuatu, Wake Island, Western Samoa, Zambia, Zambia, Zimbabwe

I
How many people speak English as a second language?

The number of people believed to speak English as a second language is around 375 million.

So how many speak English in total?

One out of every five people on earth can speak English to some level of competence.

How many people are learning English worldwide?

More than a billion people are in the process of learning the English language.

What percentage of the internet is in English?

More than 80% of home pages on the Web are in English, while the next greatest, German, has only 4.5% and Japanese 3.1%.

Which language has the most words?

English has more words than most comparable world languages.

How many words are there in the English language?

This is an impossible question to answer! It really depends on what words you want to count. But there are, at the very least, a quarter of a million distinct English words, excluding inflections, and words from technical and regional vocabulary. The unabridged Oxford English Dictionary has about 600,000.

How many words does the average native speaker know?

This depends on the speakers level of education, background etc. but somewhere between 12,000 and 20,000. Shakespeare used more than 30,000 words in his works!

How many words does the average native speaker use in everyday speech?

The average native speaker of any language uses around a tenth of his vocabulary in everyday speech. In other words, around 1200 to 2000.

How many words do you need to learn in order to communicate in most situations?

A vocabulary of between 1500 to 2000 words should be enough for most circumstances. The more you know the better because even though you can control the words you use, you can't control the other person. Because of this, you need to learn more words to understand well than you need to speak well.

What is the longest word in the English language?

The longest word in popular usage is ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM (a movement opposed to the separation of church and state) at 28 letters.

The 45 letter word PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSIS (a lung disease caused by breathing in certain particles) also appears in many English dictionaries. However, as it's use is strictly medical or scientific, some may not consider this truely part of the English language.

Dancing Cockatoo

2008-07-13T00:51:00.002-03:00

Interesting Facts

2008-07-13T00:47:00.001-03:00

1. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.”

2. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”

3. Almonds are members of the peach family.

4. The symbol on the “pound” key (#) is called an octothorpe.

5. The dot over the letter ‘i’ is called a tittle.

6. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.

7. The word “set” has more definitions than any other word in the English language.

8. “Underground” is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters “und.”

9. There are only four words in the English language which end in “-dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

10. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

11. The only other word with the same amount of letters is its plural: pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosesl.

12. The longest place-name still in use is
Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwe-nuakit natahu, a New Zealand hill.

13. Los Angeles’s full name is “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reinade los Angeles de Porciuncula” and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size,L.A.

14. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

15. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

16. Alfred Hitchcock didn’t have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.

17. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.

18. Donald Duck’s middle name is Fauntleroy.

19. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.

20. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

21. There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, “therein”: the,there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.

22. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

23. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

24. It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

25. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.

26. The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti

26. ‘Stewardesses’ is the longest English word that is typed with only the left hand.

28. The combination “ough” can be pronounced in nine different ways; the following sentence contains them all: “A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.”

29. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

30. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning “containing arsenic.”

31. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian seal for that reason.

32. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.

33. The word “Checkmate” in chess comes from the Persian phrase “Shah Mat,” which means “the king is dead.”

Bob Marley Quotes

2008-07-10T17:28:00.001-03:00

"Don’t gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold. "

"When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself."

"I don’t stand for the black man’s side, I don’ t stand for the white man’s side.I stand for God’s side."

"If you get down and quarrel everyday, you’re saying prayers to the devil."

"Don’t forget your history nor your destiny."

"In this bright future you can’t forget your past."

"When one door is closed, don’t you know, another is open."

"Me only have one ambition, y’know. I only have one thing I really like to see happen. I like to see mankind live together - black, white, Chinese, everyone - that’s all."

"Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind."

"Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction."

"Just can’t live that negative way…make way for the positive day."

"Every time I plant a seed, He say kill it before it grow, he say kill it before they grow."

"When the race gets hard to run. It means you just can’t take the pace."

"Don’t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright."

"My music will go on forever. Maybe it’s a fool say that, but when we know facts we can say
facts. My music will go on forever."

"The good times of today, are the sad thoughts of tomorrow."

"I’ve been here before and will come again, but I’m not going this trip through."

"You ain’t gonna miss your water until your well runs dry."

"Bob Marley isn’t my name. I don’t even know my name yet."

"Every man gotta right to decide his own destiny."

"Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen."

"Get up, stand up, Stand up for your rights. Get up, stand up, Don’t give up the fight."

"Just can’t live that negative way…make way for the positive day!”

Nice to meet you!

2008-07-09T18:07:00.006-03:00

Hope you can come back and visit again sometime.

D.W.

Aprenda inglês com quem tem experiência.

2008-07-06T22:35:00.001-03:00

DOUGLAS WATSON - ENGLISH TEACHER

2008-07-04T17:40:00.005-03:00

• Professor nativo

• Método Oxford

• 10 anos de experiência

• Aulas VIP ou em grupo

• Pronúncia e conversação

• Aulas "In Company"

• Os melhores Preços de São Paulo

• Preços especiais para grupos

• Moema, Brooklin, Vila Olímpia, Pinheiros, Vila Mariana e Jardins

Entre em contato e agende uma aula sem compromisso.

dougteacher@hotmail.com

See you!!!